A Positive Spin on Asking "Where Am I?"

"Even though one type will dominate as we begin studying ourselves using the tool of the Enneagram, all the fixations are present in every ego . . . " (A.H. Almaas, Keys to the Enneagram: How to Unlock the HIghest Potential of Every Personality Type).

Whether you're new to the Enneagram, a long-term practitioner who's very familiar with your key patterns, or looking for ways to transcend the issues of any one point, the following exercise will help you develop more presence, strengthen your nonjudgmental observer, and invite the Enneagram's transformative potential. 

Exercise: 

When something triggers a strong reaction in you, stay with it, notice what arises in your body, what emotions you're experiencing, and what you say to yourself about what is happening. Then sit with each Enneagram point--as you understand it (doesn't have to be accurate or meet someone else's definition of that point)--noticing what aspects of this experience might be triggered by that point's characteristic issues.

For example, I was recently in a poetry class where I had difficulty writing in the mode the teacher was holding up as a model. One morning, upon receiving his usual written critique, I felt unfairly criticized by one of his comments. After noting that I still was not focused or giving enough detail, he'd written, "We covered this in class." 

In response to that comment, a visceral pain shot upward from my stomach as I imagined, "He thinks I'm either too dumb to 'get' it or that I haven't been paying attention in class." (Note: This may not have been his intention at all--it's equally likely that he was referencing a point made in class that clarified the issue). Experiencing both anger and blame, I thought "He's not following his own guidelines for thoughtful critiques! How dare he!!!" I was full of the desire to send a return email, defending myself and outlining his faults. 

Then my Observer kicked in. I stopped, took a deep breath, and paid non-judgmental attention to my physical, mental, and emotional reactions. I began to explore what points on the Enneagram were being triggered in me. 

• My first reaction was Three-ish, because I'd considered myself his most attentive pupil until then and recognized an old pattern of striving to be "teacher's pet," the best in the class. 
• I could also see some point Two in the thought above, "How dare he?" in that I'd been supporting him over an issue with another student ("How dare he, after all I've done for him!").
• Emotionally, there was a strong pull at point Six, worry kicking in about why he'd asked to schedule a conference call with me, elaborating on all the awful possibilities.
• Certainly, there was some point One right/wrongness going on, projecting right back onto the teacher the possibility that I might be wrong, and wanting to send an email outlining his faults. 
• I was also mentally rehearsing how to do this using communica-tion guidelines to increase the likelihood he'd accept my feedback and learn from it, informed by my studious point Five. 
• There was a note of point Eight there, my taking charge of the situation, and seeing him as needing direction from me.
• Then I thought about how he must have been indoctrinated by his university career, a male-dominated, intellectual environment where the "right way" to do things would have been reinforced, a view encouraged by point Four in me, where I tend to look at establishment hierarchies as an "in the box" environment. 
• While considering this, I remembered our previous conference call, when we were reviewing one of my poems and I'd been making light of the situation, joking to show I was flexible and open to feedback (point Seven). 
• Then I saw that I'd been carefully writing the email in a way that might end peacefully, being coached by my point Nine. 

Again, the way I've considered each point in my own self-observation may be different from your understanding, and that's ok. Go with what works for you. I'm simply suggesting that you stop the next time you notice yourself being hooked and make your way through the nine points, to invite greater awareness of the Enneagram's transformative potential.