Know Yourself

The word resistance often has a negative connotation. But resistance is simply opposition to change, neither good nor bad. If people don't do what you want them to do, you may feel critical when you say, "They're resisting." But they have reasons in their own view of the world that make it seem sensible to challenge your suggestions.

In the same way, your unconscious has its own logic about resisting change. Psychologically, resistance is a natural process that protects you from experiencing anxiety. Yet it's quite natural to feel some form of anxiety when trying something new. Thus, the process of resistance can work so well and keep you so safe, you may sabotage the very change you want most.

For example, when you decide to make a change, you might find yourself:

• procrastinating for fear of not doing it right,
• feeling discomfort over unveiling yourself or accessing your deepest needs,
• wanting to move too quickly to results without working the process,
• stopping from fear of failure or lack of hope,
• doubting the value of changing,
• feeling anxious/antsy ("I don't have time for this" or "I don't have to actually do what's suggested; I can just read about it")
• wanting to think about it more, instead of just trying it,
• not being willing to admit weakness or vulnerability,
• being distracted by something else or not knowing what you want.

If you experience these or similar reactions, congratulations — you're on the right track! You've challenged some deeply embedded patterns. In fact, a strong reaction is most likely evidence of an area you particularly need to address to break "out of the box."

More in Out of the Box: Self-Coaching Workbook.