Whatever You Resist Persists

My client Jack used to have such acute panic attacks while planning for public speeches he'd go to the emergency clinic, convinced he was dying. He learned to stay with his feelings of panic instead of running from them. 

Even though the idea seemed a little crazy to him, every time he started to feel anxious, he'd focus on the specific physical sensations and exaggerate them. To Jack's surprise the symptoms quickly diminished, and he stopped having full-blown panic attacks. 

You may have heard the expression, whatever you resist persists. In contrast, every source of resistance responds positively when you welcome it without judgment. Think utilization. You can use whatever happens—blocks, tasks not done, so-called relapses—to see how your patterns play out and to reframe your thinking in ways that invite change.  

Gail, for example, wanted to lose ten pounds. She said she'd gained weight because she ate fast, often while standing up. She'd been trying to get herself to eat less by pushing to overcome her eating patterns, telling herself to SLOOOW down! That hadn't worked and she was disappointed in herself. 

Looking for a way to go with her stated problem of eating fast, Gail decided to clock her mileage, imagining a gauge where 20 mph is a healthy rate of eating speed, and to do so as a neutral observer, to get to know her eating pattern without self-criticism. After clocking her typical eating rate at 55 mph she agreed to following week to consciously eat at 60 mph, then decrease it by 7 mph, then increase by 3 mph, continuing to experiment with her eating gauge. 

Gail had fun reframing her old pattern of focusing on her failures. To her surprise and great delight, she lost three pounds in two weeks without any conscious effort to diet.

Practice  

1. Think of a change you've wanted but haven't accomplished. 
2. If you've tried to stifle or ignore your resistance, find a way to welcome it.
3. Reframe any self-criticism as an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

From Out of the Box: Self-Coaching Workbook

Know Yourself

The word resistance often has a negative connotation. But resistance is simply opposition to change, neither good nor bad. If people don't do what you want them to do, you may feel critical when you say, "They're resisting." But they have reasons in their own view of the world that make it seem sensible to challenge your suggestions.

In the same way, your unconscious has its own logic about resisting change. Psychologically, resistance is a natural process that protects you from experiencing anxiety. Yet it's quite natural to feel some form of anxiety when trying something new. Thus, the process of resistance can work so well and keep you so safe, you may sabotage the very change you want most.

For example, when you decide to make a change, you might find yourself:

• procrastinating for fear of not doing it right,
• feeling discomfort over unveiling yourself or accessing your deepest needs,
• wanting to move too quickly to results without working the process,
• stopping from fear of failure or lack of hope,
• doubting the value of changing,
• feeling anxious/antsy ("I don't have time for this" or "I don't have to actually do what's suggested; I can just read about it")
• wanting to think about it more, instead of just trying it,
• not being willing to admit weakness or vulnerability,
• being distracted by something else or not knowing what you want.

If you experience these or similar reactions, congratulations — you're on the right track! You've challenged some deeply embedded patterns. In fact, a strong reaction is most likely evidence of an area you particularly need to address to break "out of the box."

More in Out of the Box: Self-Coaching Workbook.

Joe Btfsplk Redux

According to Al Capp, creator of comic strip L'il Abner, the proper way to pronounce Btfsplk is to close your lips with your tongue sticking out, then blow out air — commonly known as a Bronx Cheer. (PS: I encourage you to read this blog post out loud.)

Joe Btfsplk radiated a cloud of doom everywhere he went. A really nice guy, Btfsplk couldn't help being a jinx to other people, so he resigned himself to being alone.

As much as you'd like to believe your personality is more appealing than Joe's, everyone carries a bit of Btfsplk. Here's the proof: Think about the last time you tried to change something in yourself but felt your efforts were jinxed. When you back away from the jinx, the shadow, you resign yourself to that gray cloud hanging over your head.

Instead of giving yourself a Bronx Cheer and trying to ignore the Btfsplk in you, get to know that troubling part and see what there is to learn.

Befriend your Btfsplk!

 

More in my Self-Coaching Workbook.