Three-Step Self-Coaching Process

A.W.E. Three Steps to Self-Coaching 

From my Self-Coaching Workbook

Awareness of your unique patterns of motivation and behavior. 

If you'd been hypnotized in a nightclub act to do something silly afterward at the hypnotist's command, would you then ask, "Why am I clucking like a chicken?" No. You volunteered to let someone make strong suggestions about your behavior. As a child you were even more suggestible. Read more. . . 


Watching, without judgment, how those patterns operate. 

Instead of backing away from an aspect of yourself you don't like, get to know that troubling part and see what there is to learn. ReLad more. . . 

Experimenting to interrupt patterns and invite transpersonal change. 

When you allow yourself to fully experience your typical reactions, you'll discover a new meaning for the baseball phrase, sweet spot. Read more. . .

 

Let yourself be in AWE!

More in my Self-Coaching Workbook

Why Not "Why"?

If you'd been hypnotized in a nightclub act to do something silly afterward at the hypnotist's command, would you then ask, "Why am I clucking like a chicken?" No. You've volunteered to let someone make strong suggestions about your behavior.

As a child you were even more suggestible. Not only did you learn what was expected, you also learned how to maintain that trance. As an adult, your conscious mind and unconscious programming work together to keep the suggestions operating. Check it out for yourself. How many times a day do you say to yourself, "Don't be rude," or "Look out for yourself, nobody else is going to," or "__________" (fill in the blank for yourself). 

Does this mean you have to like the programming? No. You may consciously feel the urge to change, or you may have headaches, or tense shoulders, or acid indigestion, or depression. Something tells you this isn't who you want to be. These are wake-up calls--your attempt to snap your fingers and break the trance. 

You could spend the next few years exploring why you have the patterns you have. Or you could simply accept that you've been in a trance and ask how? How does my trance operate? When you observe this closely, you'll know how to break the pattern. It's not a surprise that we associate "being chicken" with powerlessness. But notice the implied meaning of "free-range chicken." You, too, can range free.

More in my Self-Coaching Workbook.

Lagging on Commitment to Change?

Five Tips to Help You Stay Focused

1. 

   Be an objective observer of yourself. Habits are only patterns of behavior. They're not good or bad. If you were an experienced birdwatcher you'd want to identify particular birds, know about their habitat, plumage, shapes. You would not be looking through binoculars and thinking, "Oh no! Those swallows aren't migrating in a perfect V!" A bird is a bird, a pattern is a pattern. Let go of judging yourself. You need to know a pattern before you can change it.
2. Instead of trying to stop being something you don't want to be (whew! think of all the wasted energy THAT takes), get to know your pattern: How often does it show up? What triggers it? What does it look like? How long does it last? Then what? You'll know you've got it when you can teach someone else exactly how you do it.
3. When the patterned behavior shows up, stay WITH it. Let's say you have a fiery temper and you promised yourself you'd keep it in check. The next time it gets triggered, notice where in your body you feel the anger and exaggerate that physical sensation ("It's like I'm about to fly apart"). Continue exaggerating the physical sensation until you know the label you've given it is an exact fit ("No, it's like my guts are being torn apart by rabid dogs!"). By the way, by this time, your anger's lessened and you don't have to act on it.
4. Once you've gotten a grip on your pattern, do it consciously but with one small change. Humor helps. Gail, for example, ate fast while standing and tried to lose 10 lbs. by telling herself to "SLOOOW down!" That didn't work. When challenged to eat fast consciously but with a small change, she "clocked her mileage," increasing her speed from 55 mph to 65 mph and then back down to 25 mph. To her surprise she lost 3 lbs. in two weeks without any conscious effort to diet.
5. It's quite natural to resist change. Unfortunately, we tend to beat ourselves up when we don't follow through. All that energy you've wasted criticizing yourself just feeds the old pattern. Instead, if you find yourself procrastinating, feeling anxious, losing hope, or being distracted from your goal, recognize these as signs you've challenged a deeply embedded pattern, which means you're on the right path. Go through the first four steps again, and remember: If something you've tried hasn't worked, do something different!

More ideas like these in Out of the Box Self-Coaching Workbook

Know Yourself

The word resistance often has a negative connotation. But resistance is simply opposition to change, neither good nor bad. If people don't do what you want them to do, you may feel critical when you say, "They're resisting." But they have reasons in their own view of the world that make it seem sensible to challenge your suggestions.

In the same way, your unconscious has its own logic about resisting change. Psychologically, resistance is a natural process that protects you from experiencing anxiety. Yet it's quite natural to feel some form of anxiety when trying something new. Thus, the process of resistance can work so well and keep you so safe, you may sabotage the very change you want most.

For example, when you decide to make a change, you might find yourself:

• procrastinating for fear of not doing it right,
• feeling discomfort over unveiling yourself or accessing your deepest needs,
• wanting to move too quickly to results without working the process,
• stopping from fear of failure or lack of hope,
• doubting the value of changing,
• feeling anxious/antsy ("I don't have time for this" or "I don't have to actually do what's suggested; I can just read about it")
• wanting to think about it more, instead of just trying it,
• not being willing to admit weakness or vulnerability,
• being distracted by something else or not knowing what you want.

If you experience these or similar reactions, congratulations — you're on the right track! You've challenged some deeply embedded patterns. In fact, a strong reaction is most likely evidence of an area you particularly need to address to break "out of the box."

More in Out of the Box: Self-Coaching Workbook.

The Side of the Brain Less Traveled

Your brain has two different ways to process information. While recent research suggests these functions aren't completely isolated to the separate hemispheres, we can generally refer to the left hemisphere as analytical and sequential. It involves math and language skills, organization, logic, reason, observation, and analysis. In contrast, your brain's right hemisphere in general involves creativity, emotions, spatial activities such as dance or athletics, and visualization. 

More to the point in bringing about change, your left-brain processes also include defense mechanisms built on logic and reason. But this logic is not an absolute truth. Your reasoning processes are the result of left-brain explaining, analyzing, and interpreting, which are likely to be received through the same filters that programmed your view of the world and narrowed your perceptions and possibilities.

For significant change to occur, then, it's often necessary to bypass the analytical mind and its defense mechanisms. When your left-brain efforts to solve problems don't work, that's an invitation to involve your more holistic, creative, spontaneous, nonverbal self. How do you do that? One way is to notice the stories, cartoons, dreams, movies, figures of speech that draw your attention and explore what they might symbolize about you.

For example, we all feel "stuck" at some point in our lives. What does being stuck mean to you? Are you "frozen," "mired in quicksand," "looking down a long tunnel with no light at the end," or something else?

Stay within the metaphor and let it lead you to a possibility you hadn't considered before. If you feel "mired in quicksand," for example, picture yourself looking around and let your imagination offer something, perhaps a strong tree branch that's low enough to pull yourself out. Let your own metaphor change in some way that promises positive movement.

(From Out of the Box Self-Coaching Workbook)

What is the Problem?

(Adapted from Ezra Bayda's Being Zen):

An ambitious student comes to see his teacher, who asks, “What is the basic human problem?”

The student ponders this, then answers, “We are not awake.”

“Yes, but those are only words," says the teacher. "You are only thinking.” And he sends the student away.

Perturbed, the student continues to ponder. A week later he returns. The teacher asks, “Have you figured out the basic human problem?”

The student replies, “Yes. The basic human problem is that we think too much. We are identified with our thinking. We believe our thoughts.”

The teacher answers, “Again, you are thinking. You must see the basic human problem in yourself.” The student leaves feeling dejected.

The student pulls out all his books and studies. When he returns to see the teacher, he is almost stuttering, so sure he knows the answer. Seeing the state he is in, the teacher asks, “What is the basic human problem?”

The student happily says, “There is no problem!”

The teacher stares at him: “Then what are you doing here?”

The student deflates. His shoulders drop; his head drops; he feels totally humiliated.

The teacher asks, “What are you experiencing right now?

“I feel like crawling into a hole.”

“When you can fully experience this feeling," reminds the teacher, "then you will understand the basic human problem.”